There appears to be a huge developmental leap between the age of 5 and 6. I swear sometimes I talking to an adult– an adult with a really high-pitched voice that still can’t pour milk directly into a cereal bowl without saturating 87% of our house.
In the last few days, I’ve said the following things to my child:
*Please put your penis away.
*I saw where you touched the dog so please wash your hands.
*That’s mommy’s bra and I didn’t say you could wear it.
*Who told you six was the new sexy? Do you even know what sexy means?
*No, anus-hole isn’t technically swearing, but it’s still a mean thing to say.
*Would you want Puppy to do that to you?
*How many Slurpies have you had this week?
*I don’t sound like that! (Editor’s note: Bart said that’s EXACTLY what I sound like.)
*For the last time, your penis goes in your pants!
*Sure, you can change your name to John Cena.
*Yes, I know lots of words that rhyme with tuck.
*No, YOU tell your butthole to go to sleep. You’re the one it’s bothering.
*STOP ASKING ALEXA TO PLAY OLD TOWN ROAD!
*The one who smelt it, dealt it, sucka!
*GO TO BED, JOHN CENA!