Easter Webler

I know, I know it’s been a long time. I’m terribly sorry about that. Can we just move on? Please? What? You want an explanation? Fine. I was writing. Does that make you feel better? I was finishing up, then revising, then revising again what will becoming Everything I Need to Know I Learned From Dungeons & Dragons: One Women’s Quest to Trade Self-Help for Elf Help. (Because every already really long title needs an extra long subtitle, right?)

If it’s one thing I’ve learned through this process (other than I’m terrible at multitasking) it’s that copyediting is a thankless job. Well, maybe “thankless” isn’t the right word seeing as though I plan on not just thanking “Debbie H.” but sending her a bouquet of flowers, enrolling her in the wine of the month club (forever) and buying her dinner for a year. I’m horrible to edit, partially because I never bothered to learn simple grammar. Commas? Are they really necessary? Apparently. Again, poor Debbie H.

What I really wanted to say is that today (or what’s left of it) is Easter Webler and you should celebrate accordingly. Easter Webler is a holiday my brother and I tried to invent in an attempt to get another date on the calendar that would rival Christmas Eve. We already loved Easter– chocolate, finding plastic eggs that were poorly hidden in Grandma’s backyard, getting my finger smashed in a screen door because those stupid, plastic eggs were filled with loose change and my greedy, Donald Trump-loving brother was trying to roadblock me in the hunt. Someday I’ll tell you all about the issues I suffer from in my left pinky.

My brother and I wanted to extend our second favorite holiday so what better way than to tack on a day that was nearly as big as the one it preceded. There would be presents, lots of candy, probably the doling out of puppies to little girls. You didn’t have to sit on the lap of the Easter Bunny (but you were totally welcome too if you wanted) in order to reap such rewards. You simply got lots of love and adoration (in the form of presents, candy and puppies) just for being a kid.

Unfortunately Easter Webler didn’t catch on. We told our parents Easter Webler was coming and they should plan accordingly but alas, the day would come and nothing happened. We didn’t have the means or the desire to buy our own presents and if I could have wrangled a puppy for myself I sure wouldn’t have waited for Easter Webler to do it. Eventually we gave up on our quest. Mission aborted. And that’s just sad, isn’t it? I mean, who would say no to another holiday? That’s like saying “shut the hell up!” to a baby chick.

Today I woke up to find this message posted on my Facebook wall: “Happy Easter Webler!” It was from my brother, of course. And those three words have ignited a marshmallowy, sugary, puppy-lovin’ fire inside of me. The quest to turn Easter Webler into a holiday is back on, people! And I need you to join my quest! Yes, I should have probably told you this sooner, like before we’re down to our last 20 minutes of the day. But think of it this way. We have a whole year to come up with a plan on how to make this holiday really stick.

Oh, it’s on. Easter Webler 2012! Until then, eat a Peep, pet a dog, start registering for gifts. Oh, and don’t worry about that naughty or nice thing. The Easter Bunny doesn’t care. See? This holiday is awesome!

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