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I’m on a quest to find the best device to help me sleep on an airplane. I splurged on an inflatable micro fleece neck pillow from the AAA store before my trip to Paris and was woefully disappointed somewhere over Kamloops, B.C. The damn thing deflated before I even finished my first complimentary glass of wine. $22! And to think I almost burst a blood a vessel trying to blow the stupid thing up.

I can fall asleep on airplanes. That is not the problem. The problem is the head-lolling and gaping maw syndrome. Not only does my flappy head wake me from my slumber, I can’t help feeling all insecure because I know I look like an idiot. Yes, I look like all the other flappy-headed drooling passengers whom I will never see again in all likelihood. Doesn’t matter. For sure I’m the dorkiest of them all.

Apparently Facebook knows of my quest because one of the sponsored ads in my feed was for the allegedly “most comfortable way to sleep on the move.” Okay, Facebook Ad Team, I’m listening.

Every now and again I see a product I desperately want to make fun of and in the process, I start falling a little in love with it. Allow me to introduce you to the Sleepscarf. Ahh, even the name conjures sweet dreams. Oh, it’s dorky. And you would surely look like an idiot, but man… doesn’t she look comfy? Maybe we could just be friends.

Sweet dreams, girl who doesn't drool or spill her seatmate's Ginger Ale with herky jerky movements.
Sweet dreams, girl who doesn’t drool or spill her seatmate’s Ginger Ale with herky jerky movements.

I’m not kidding, you guys. I’m tempted. Do I care that I would look like an idiot? No, not really. My fellow passengers would marvel and the way my delicate neck cocks ever so slightly to the left with seemingly nothing but hypoallergenic fleece to hold it in place. I’ve got a redeye coming up in December. And it would keep me nice and warm. And it comes in pink. I repeat: I’M TEMPTED!

Plus, the website actually uses the word “faffing” in its marketing copy. As in:

  • no faffing about to blow it up

Faffing! That’s exactly what I was going on my flight to Paris! Why haven’t I been dropping this word into all my conversations? SOLD!

But wait, you say. Surely there are better options out there. Don’t be swayed by marketing copy. You know better, Shelly! You write that crap, don’t you?

Well yes, you’re right. So I did a bit more research and came across some real winners. Have you seen ostrich man?

And yet we can still see your mouth all agape.
All that faffing fabric and yet we can still see your mouth all agape.

Oh and his friend neck brace guy.

Up your nose with a rubber hose, Mr. Business Class.
Up your nose with a rubber hose, Mr. Business Class.

When this guy pulls his rubber hose out of his briefcase I’m ringing my call button. Unless of course he sprung for the very fashionable cover.

I hope drool doesn't leave stains on the faux satin.
Does drool leave stains on the faux satin.

And we’ve all seen this guy– in SkyMall. (RIP, SkyMall. Miss you.)

You laugh, but I bet we'd all use it if we had the chance.
You laugh, but I bet we’d all use it if we had the chance.

So yeah, in comparison, Sleepscarf isn’t so bad, is it?

Help me out here:

Sleepscarf:

Yes___

No___

Maybe___

Just read a book and deal___

Shelly Mazzanoble

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