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I would be remiss if I failed to mention the epidemic plaguing Hollywood. An epidemic that appears to only strike men. An epidemic that is so freakin’ cliche it’s not even exciting in the most superficial of ways.

WTF is up with sleeping with the nanny? I mean, come on guys. Isn’t there a nice grocery clerk or teacher’s aid you could hook up with? The nanny? Really?

Mmm? Nanny? We have one of those?
Mmm? Nanny? We have one of those?

Oh Gavin. Okay, I hated your band and can’t for the life of me figure out what you’re doing for a living now but I’m still grossly disappointed in you. First, your nanny. Did you guys hire her because she looks remarkably similar to your wife?

Single, white female much?
Single, white female much?

 

Oh so they’re both blonde, what of it? you say.

Umm…

Still not seeing it?
Still not seeing it?

Okay, then. And now?

Lemme guess. You both brought the same photo to your hairstylist.
Lemme guess. You both brought the same photo to your hairstylist.

This shit is creepy! There are lots of good reasons to fire a nanny. They drink on the job. They endanger your kids. They don’t like your kids. And she SLOWLY MORPHS INTO YOUR WIFE has got to be right up there. Guys, just because your nanny looks like your wife, doesn’t mean she is. You can’t sleep with her. I’m sorry.

And Gwen, what’s up? Did this not freak you out a little? Did you like it? Is imitation really the most sincere form of flattery when you’re Gwen Freakin’ Stefani?

And what is up with nannies? This doesn’t end well for you either. Or maybe it does. Ben Affleck’s nanny got all mouthy and started brushing her hair before going outside and then POOF. She vanished. No more sidebar is Us Weekly. Maybe she drove off in a brand new Maserati. Or maybe she realized “Ben Affleck’s Nanny (Yes, That Nanny)” isn’t as appealing a Match.com user name as she thought. Who knows? All I know is that these ladies aren’t getting into this line of work because they love kids. Nope. Don’t think so.

These guys need to get a grip. If you can’t be married, don’t be married. And for God’s sake, leave the help alone. Clearly they have no idea how hard it is to find good help.

Shelly Mazzanoble

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