You can’t shake a stick without hitting a cupcake in the face. And yes, I know cupcakes don’t technically have faces—I wouldn’t be eating them if they did. I just like the sound of “hitting a cupcake in the face.” What would that sound like anyway? Thud? Squish? And yes, I can hear the protests now. “It’s okay to hit something with a face but not eat it?” No. It’s not. I don’t hit animals or cupcakes for that matter. But I do wonder about my sanity if say, a raccoon ever stole a cupcake right out of my hands. Hmm…inner conflict… But I have already conceded that cupcakes don’t have faces! It’s early, okay? I don’t need to take this garbage from… me?
Anyway, I love cupcakes, contrary to my sentiment about clocking them one. I’m quite happy that so many cupcake shops boutiques are opening up like patients in Dr. Drew’s rehab. You might think big deal. Had one cupcake, had them all. Oh no, my uncultured friend. A bigger fallacy has never been uttered. They are vastly different from cake texture to frosting sweetness to creative frosting:cake pairings to the ever important, cake:frosting ratio.
Clearly cupcake connoisseuring is an art. (And “connoiseuring” is a made up word. Whatever.) Fear not, friends. I’m here to offer you some insight. The official Cupcake Consumption Challenge 2009 (and possibly into 2010. And maybe even forever) begins now! With my trusty sidekick, B, we will be taste-testing all of Seattle’s cupcake offerings and rating them on the above criteria as well as the below two:
- Overall presentation (cupcakes are the supermodels of the dessert world. Make it work, Cupcake! Make it work.)
- Cake consistency (cake is just a vessel to carry frosting to my mouth. That cake better be up for the challenge.)
B and I are the perfect judges because 1. We both have an unhealthy love of cupcakes and 2. We have different ideas about what makes a good cupcake. He actually ate one once and declared the frosting “too sweet.” What a wienie! I was practically engaged to that same cupcake by the time I finished it!
So stay tuned, Cupcake Lovers (of Seattle.) We’re here to separate the treasures from the day-olds. You can thank me later. With a dozen cupcakes preferably.