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Ladies & Gentlemen it’s time for the Read Between the Lines With Judy contest! Here’s how it works:

Read this transcription of an actual conversation between Judy and I. Then tell me what Judy is really trying to ask me. Put your answers in the comments section below.

Anyone who guesses correctly will win—wait for it—one free Q&A with Judy! That’s right—Judy will give you random, often insightful, solicited advice (via email or right here on this site. We’ll change your name, don’t worry.)

Judy also promises that once she answers your question she will not follow up with you to make sure you followed her advice. She will also promise not to send you any packages from Amazon, but she might suggest a book or two for you to read. (Judy also reserves the right to not answer a question for whatever reason. If that’s the case, it will go to Zelda.) You are under no legal obligation to follow her advice.

Okay here we go:

JUDY: What did you do last night?

ME: Went out to dinner, saw a movie.

JUDY: What movie?

ME: 50/50. It was very good. Sad. But overall happy.

JUDY: Hmm… did you drink wine at dinner?

ME: Umm, no, I didn’t.

JUDY: YOU DIDN’T? OMG! YOU DIDN’T?

ME: No, I had beer. Why?

JUDY: Oh. No reason.

What is Judy really asking? Come on, you know you want her free, no strings attached advice!

*Contest ends November 30, 2011

Shelly Mazzanoble

13 Replies to “Win Free Advice With Judy!”

  1. I’ve been in this situation many times before…she’s asking if you are providing her with a grandchild. I usually get it in the form of …
    Me: I have a headache
    Mom: OMG, You’re pregnant!?!

  2. Judy thinks you drink too much wine, normally. She had an admonishment ready – just not for beer.

    The admonishment, it turns out, is that she is a resveratol denier and refuses to buy into the hype about red wine having healthful effects. The research does not support drinking more than a half a glass of relatively crappy red wine on a daily basis. IT WON’T HELP YOU, SHELLY, SO DON’T BE SO DEFENSIVE.

    She is not, however, a hops denier, so there you go.

  3. YOU DIDN’T? OMG, YOU DIDN’T? = You’re Pregnant? OMG, You’re pregnant?

    Oh. No reason = I am disappointed that you are not pregnant. WHEN ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME A GRANDCHILD, DAMMITT?

  4. Shelly,
    I’m afraid to tell you that your mom was called by your Sobriety Anonymous sponsor. There were some unpleasant allegations of you testing the sobriety waters and Judy was justifiably concerned. I mean with so many changes happening in your life, you are bound to feel at least a little pressure to clean up your act. I say resist!

    Much love from Chicago! Mike

  5. hhhhmmmmmm, that was easy! The day you got married is the day everyone starts to be interested in your drinking habits. Similar to getting engaged, I better not find out via facebook!

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