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Or buy it. Whatever. I guess it depends on where you shop.

My good friend Rachael went looking for Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress at a Barnes & Noble in Seattle. The in-store computer showed they had two copies in stock but she couldn’t find either copy where the map said they would be. So she asked a sales person.

“Oh yeah,” the girl said. “That’s kept behind the desk.”

“Behind the desk?” Rachael asked. “That’s weird.”

I could see putting them there to keep my parents from fawning and drooling over them, but Judy and Tom are in Upstate New York.

The sales person went on to explain that Confessions of a Part-Time Sorceress is one of the store’s Top 20 MOST STOLEN BOOKS.

Umm…okay, I guess. I mean, all authors dream of being on top 20 list. I just wasn’t aware this was one of my choices. So to all of you who stole so many copies of my book at a Seattle Barnes & Noble to actually make the store take notice: Thanks! Jackasses.

Oh, my friends and I had a good laugh over this. I mean, it is kind of funny. We tried to think of the reasons why this book, as opposed to several other billions would get stolen.

It’s not particularly small. I mean, it’s a trade paperback just like millions of other books on the shelves.

It’s not particularly expensive. $12.95 is perfectly reasonable for a trade paperback, right?

I’m not donating any portion of the sales to questionable organizations (and neither is Wizards as far as I know.)

So why are people stealing my book?

The consensus around the table:

It’s too pink. Guys are embarrassed to buy it.

So they’d rather take the risk of getting busted with a copy of it down their pants?

Hopefully the good people of Boston are inclined to heed gift guides and are not inclined towards pilfering paperbacks. Check out the super pink, irresistible, highly filchable book in the Boston Globe’s gift guide.

Cool, huh?

Now, to all of you who actually plunked down your hard earned money to buy my book– thank you! Really. I hope the new year cashes in all that positive karma you generated, bringing you every good wish.

And to the rest of you? Oh well. I hope people made fun of you for reading such a pink, girly book in public.

Shelly Mazzanoble

9 Replies to “Steal My Book!”

  1. Dear Shelly,

    Okay, I laughed pretty hard when I read that. Please don’t get me wrong; it sucks that people are stealing from you, but the TOP 20 comment made me laugh out loud. However, to explain, purloining anything entitled “Confessions” is like -10 man points. You could lose your Guy License over something like that.

    Despite that, I will have you know that I happily dropped the cash to pay for your book and read it twice. I also loaned it to a friend who’s wife played D&D and she loved it. And then afterwards I got a facial and pedicure, and bought a new bag to match my shoes. Okay…I made that last part up. However, I am proud to say I am a man and I bought your book. Just don’t ask me to share my real name…


    P.S. To all those of you who stole Shelly’s book, you are all citizens of Suckville, Ever heard of the public lie-berry?

  2. Take it as a complement! This post reminds me I need to buy another copy of your book for a Christmas present for a friend.

  3. Yeah! You tell ’em TeacherSainted! And thank you for dropping your hard-earned cash on Confessions. Have you ever had a pedicure? Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it! Everyone deserves pampering!
    Happiest of holidays to you!

  4. I was in a hobby store today and a girl commented out loud that there were not enough girls in the store playing magic. I thought of lending her your book as it had some good pointers, so it’s kind of ironic to read you blog today and find out it’s in the top 20 most stolen books.

    Maybe people take it because they don’t want to admit they are closet gamers? It could be that’s its in high demand at all the school libraries but they are too strapped for funding to buy a copy.

  5. Being on the Top 20 Most Stolen Books List is indeed a dubious honor. Not to one-up TeacherSainted, but I bought two copies; one for my sister and one for me. As for the pedicure Shelly, I’ll take your word that such pampering is an rewarding experience! 🙂

    Best wishes to you (and bookstore security) throughout the New Year!

  6. Look at it this way- people think so much of your book that they are literally risking jail time just to procure it! That’s actually very flattering. That they are obviously cheap people should who hold their personal freedom in less regard than $12.95 shouldn’t discourage you.

    It would seem to me that if there’s something more embarassing than buying a pink, girlish book, it’s going to jail for stealing a pink, girlish book.

    Happy New Year!

  7. I am a writer, musician, avid gamer, and a man. I just bought this book for my girlfriend and had no problem (well not much of a problem) with purchasing this book. The old “it’s for my lady” line covered any emasculation I felt in said purchase. I think that any man secure enough to be out about his “geekish” gamer tendencies is secure enough to purchase your book in all its pink glory.

    I think that the teen “Juggalo/Juggalette” population (at least in Seattle) might also have something to do with the pilfering of your book. I know I have seen quite a few of these kids being pursued by security in the Borders and Barnes and Noble downtown.

    That being said, I love your book and will recommend it for anyone trying to get a female friend, acquaintance, significant other, or troglodyte into D&D or any RPG for that matter. Thank you for explaining a wonderful thing in a way that no man could.

  8. Well, thank YOU, Ian! Glad you are secure enough in your gamer tendencies and your masculinity to have purchased it. And on behalf of Barnes & Noble and myself, thanks for actually purchasing it!

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