Sometimes when my kid is asleep I sneak in his room to check on him and take pictures of him asleep. Then he finds the photos and asks where they came from and when I tell him he declares, THAT'S SO CREEPY! He's not wrong.
Matt isn’t just a six pack. He’s a dude with two first names. And someone who believes “love is about the heart.” That is profound!
My son is obsessed with Fortnite. What can I do? No seriously, WHAT CAN I DO????
I've done some crappy things as a parent and guarantee that's the shit he will remember and not that time his mom stuffed her sweaty, bloated body into an inflatable bubble suit and fell victim to a diving crossbody.
Girl, are you wearing a bra? Because nope. That’s not how we roll in homeschool. We bounce. We jiggle. We let the ladies run free like a herd of wild mares. If your kid’s Zoom class isn’t always in critical danger of getting a faceful of your lady bubbles, you get an F in homeschool.
The child insists only mama knows how to make a Lunchable. Yes, a Lunchable. The thing that comes in a box already prepared. I admit, I do take the time to spread the sauce equally across the 3 tiny pitas and dispense exactly the same amount of yellow and white cheese on each, but what savage doesn't?
"No! No oops! I broke down all the boxes. You said they were too big so I made them small! I made them nice for you!" WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!
No one wants to be Coronavirus positive, but there are Coronavirus positive outcomes. Here's a few I hope continue when this whole thing is over (and it will be.)
Season 4,297 of The Bachelor recently ended, and I think we can all say it was about as big of a champagne-fueled dumpster fire as we’ve ever witnessed..the blame belongs squarely on the lead himself: Pete the Pilot is not a Dungeon Master.