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We all know newborns are–shall we say challenged in the art of sleeping through the night. I mean, come on babies! It’s not rocket science. It’s so easy even a baby could do it, right? It’s so easy I could do it in my– well, you get the picture. (Taking candy from a baby is actually much harder than I was lead to believe, however.)

Did you know that toddlers can occasionally mess up this very natural, instinctual body function too? Older does not always mean wiser when it comes to the art of shutting ones eyeholes. 

Blessedly our child is pretty good at this sleep thing (knock on wood, knock on wood so freakin’ hard) which is why I’ll probably never get mad at him for doing terrible future things like flunking biology or stealing nips from Mommy’s clementine vodka.

“Did you eat Mommy’s Weight Watcher chocolate caramel mini bars? Delete an entire season of Southern Charm on the DVR? Put a top rack only platter on the bottom rack of the dishwasher? Did you?! Well, that’s pretty shitty, my child, but at least you still sleep through the night.”

Those days of waking up every 2, 3, if-we-were-lucky-4 hours a night were rough. Ugh, the worst. Dark days, I tell you. We thought they were far behind us, but then this past week happened and reminded us again of why Quinn will be an only child.

Here are just a smattering of the reasons our sweet angel woke us up in the middle of the night last week:

  • He wanted to know what we were doing
  • He needed water
  • His sock monkey fell out of bed
  • He can’t find his mimi (binky) in his bed (because it was in his mouth)
  • The covers fell off of him
  • The covers fell off his sock monkey
  • He doesn’t like his sock monkey
  • He doesn’t like covers
  • His leg itches
  • His other leg itches
  • He can’t find his shadow
  • Mommy left the water cup in his room
  • He wanted to watch Fantastic Mr. Fox
  • It was wake up-time. (It wasn’t. It was 4:33AM)
  • He wanted to know if it was a school night
  • He didn’t wake us up. We woke him up.
Umm, could someone please wake the child so he can wake the parents so they can put me back on the bed and under the covers?
Umm, could someone please wake the child so he can wake the parents so they can put me back on the bed and under the covers?

We didn’t wake him up, for the record. He’s clearly a liar, but for that he won’t get in trouble. So long as he stays asleep.

Shelly Mazzanoble

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