Courtship of Motherhood
Sometimes when my kid is asleep I sneak in his room to check on him and take pictures of him asleep. Then he finds the photos and asks where they came from and when I tell him he declares, THAT'S SO CREEPY! He's not wrong.
Stop Calling Me Bruh, Bruh
My son is obsessed with Fortnite. What can I do? No seriously, WHAT CAN I DO????
The child insists only mama knows how to make a Lunchable. Yes, a Lunchable. The thing that comes in a box already prepared. I admit, I do take the time to spread the sauce equally across the 3 tiny pitas and dispense exactly the same amount of yellow and white cheese on each, but what savage doesn't?
And just as he was about to disappear into the double doors of the abyss, he turned around, giving me one last chance to fix this dreadful, horrific mistake. Maybe he saw a crack in my foundation. Maybe he had beaten me down. Maybe he saw his father being comforted by a group of fifth graders. Whatever it was, he saw his last chance and made a break for it, still holding the sign, and headed right for me-- his mother, protector, sanctuary, source of all that’s comforting-- who was yelling, “Get away from me, child!" as she braced for impact.