A Bunch of Bologna
Sadly, my feelings for Katie remain flaccid and incidentally, this sentence has more sexual energy than our alleged sex-positive lead.
The Bachelorette: Sex Positively Over It
The former bank marketing manager with the light-up vibrator is our new Bachelorette. What is already THE WORST this season and why will I keep watching.
Courtship of Motherhood
Sometimes when my kid is asleep I sneak in his room to check on him and take pictures of him asleep. Then he finds the photos and asks where they came from and when I tell him he declares, THAT'S SO CREEPY! He's not wrong.
The Bachelor 2021: Sugar Babies in the House
Matt isn’t just a six pack. He’s a dude with two first names. And someone who believes “love is about the heart.” That is profound!
Stop Calling Me Bruh, Bruh
My son is obsessed with Fortnite. What can I do? No seriously, WHAT CAN I DO????
Gotta Bounce
I've done some crappy things as a parent and guarantee that's the shit he will remember and not that time his mom stuffed her sweaty, bloated body into an inflatable bubble suit and fell victim to a diving crossbody.
Lies and Other Quarantine Truths
Girl, are you wearing a bra? Because nope. That’s not how we roll in homeschool. We bounce. We jiggle. We let the ladies run free like a herd of wild mares. If your kid’s Zoom class isn’t always in critical danger of getting a faceful of your lady bubbles, you get an F in homeschool.
Smother’s Day
The child insists only mama knows how to make a Lunchable. Yes, a Lunchable. The thing that comes in a box already prepared. I admit, I do take the time to spread the sauce equally across the 3 tiny pitas and dispense exactly the same amount of yellow and white cheese on each, but what savage doesn't?
Recycling: A Mother F’ing Love Story
"No! No oops! I broke down all the boxes. You said they were too big so I made them small! I made them nice for you!"
WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME!
